Happy Canada Day - No June baby for me. (37+5weeks)

Happy Canada Day Blogging world.

How are you planning on spending Canada Day today? Ottawa is funny in that the whole city literally shuts down - it's so weird. Driving on the outskirts is like driving on a Sunday morning at 7am - the roads are deserted; however, as you start heading downtown the festivities really pick up. And I mean REALLY pick up. The government posts and map on their website which lets you know which roads are closed downtown and really the best way to get anywhere is the bus or the O-Train. So this is actually only my second Canada Day in Ottawa (besides a couple when I was younger - which I'm not sure even happened.) Last year we spent it with my cousin and it was a little bit crazy. We left from her house with literally 7 minutes to get to the fireworks (we are at least 13 minutes away) and I was nominated driver (for a few reasons) and we made it there with 2 minutes to spare - and it wasn't because traffic was light. Anyway we parked and were running through the downtown streets of Ottawa watching the fireworks off the reflections of the glass windows. It was pretty neat. We made it for the "grand finale" which wasn't that grand (probably had something to do with the recession.) Anyway, it was a good Canada Day. This year my cousin and her boyfriend have gone off to the cottage for the weekend and I have a feeling this year's Canada Day will be significantly more low key than last years. We're going to head down to Parliament during the day and watch some live music and see the Snowbirds and CF-18s. I think we'll just spend some of the day downtown - I'm not sure if we're going to go back for the fireworks - and I can tell you right now I am NOT spending from noon until 10pm downtown. Hecks no. Also Eric picked himself up a steak last night and I grabbed some halibut so that we can have a nice "Canada Day Dinner" using the BBQ - which we have used almost every day since purchasing (great buy - so far!)

Alright, so I managed to keep the first half of this blog baby free, but since the blog is really about baby (or at least that's why I started writing the blog) I feel as though I should fill you in on the last few days. So as you know I am term now (woot woot) actually I'm 37 + 5 weeks today - if some of you choose to take the time to do that math you will realize that I've lost (or baby has lost) 2 days in gestation. You would be right. My due date based on dates was July 16th and my due date based on the first ultrasound was July 17th - and they go with the first ultrasound - which is fine. But I for whatever reason kept calculating things with the girls at work who are all pregnant and there "switch day" is Thursday (today) so they are all either 32 weeks, 37 weeks or 33 weeks today, so it was easy to just say I was 38 weeks. BUT I'm not really - I'm a poser. Not the point of the story. Anyway - in my last post there was all this hope and desire to be in labour by now (which I'm severely not - I have a very severe case of "Not being in labour") which is fine - as I cry myself to sleep. Anyway, I was really set that I was going to have this baby in June. Which is now absolutely impossible (regardless of what place in the world you are) and that's okay - now I'm aiming for July. Dad suggested I aimed for August, but I don't think he fully understood that the desire of June was that it was SOONER than July. I still love him - even if he doesn't quite get it. One of the nurses who I worked with figured I would have the baby come Friday. I think she's wrong now. You need SOME form of contractions and my uterus just really isn't committing. So to say the least I was a little upset the day before yesterday when nothing was going on - especially because I was doing everything you're supposed to do to induce labour (and more) and nothing happened. Which could be because it's not actually my due date yet. Still not the point. I was walking, biking, climbing stairs, eating pineapple, hot bath taking, yoga-ing, dancing, hula hooping, jumping, breast pumping (owww...), raspberry leaf tea drinking, and several more things that just didn't seem to cut it. So this baby is comfortable and as my dad has said "this baby will come on it's birthday" AUGH. Eric used that line this morning and I almost hit him (love you babe). So due to my disappointment that there is no baby yet I have made a list of reasons why it's better to still have the baby on the inside:

Reasons why it's better to have the baby inside instead of outside:

Leaving the house:

1) You only need to make sure one of you has peed/pooped before leaving

2) You only need to make sure one of you is fed before leaving

3) You only have 1 seatbelt to do up - and temperature in the vehicle is dependent on how you like it, not what keeps baby from crying - also you get to choose the tunes and don't need to play them so loud they drown out the cries of baby (just kidding)

4) Walking 2 dogs is easier when you don't need to push a stroller.

5) Running to the grocery store (okay waddling to the grocery store) is a 10 minute activity before baby, after baby - do you really need to eat?

Sleep:

1) You can at least ATTEMPT to sleep when you like where you like.

2) If you're on mat leave that can be any time at all.

3) When you do finally fall asleep you don't need to worry about that being EXACTLY when baby starts crying.

Showering:

1) You can do it with door the closed.

2) You can take as long as you want.

3) This points go for all bathroom activities actually.

Eating:

1) You can eat almost anything you want (obviously there are the issues if you have heartburn and stuff like that BUT the point is more or less you can have anything) after baby is born be prepared to cut out the foods that make him/her not enjoy your breastmilk or make the baby colicky (which was chocolate for my friend Jess's baby Adair - that sucks.)

2) You still have time to sit down and eat.

3) You can go out to eat and you generally get extra good service - actually that's another point service - while you're pregnant people hold doors open for you and are super friendly - after pregnancy - well I'm sure they would still hold the door open for you BUT you're probably out and about less.

Eric's contributions to my list:

1) Harder to break when it's on the inside.

2) Don't need to worry about losing it.

3) It doesn't poo (that he needs to clean)

Alright, that's my list so far. Pretty much for every day this baby stays in from this point forward I'll find something to add to my list. I don't want people to be confused and start whispering that I don't really want to have my baby - this is just my way of being less frustrated that I don't have the baby yet - I've spent the last 4 days trying to bring on labour - I'm just going to take a break from it for the weekend (as Eric has a nice long weekend) and resume activities and attempts come Monday (and I have a whole list of other possible tricks.)

On that note! Have a spectacular long weekend (for those of you who have one) enjoy Canada Day! If you don't have a long weekend - especially enjoy your normal length weekend!

As always,

Thanks for reading!!

I'm going to lose it.. (37+2, aka go time!)

Hello!

Just to not confuse anyone, it isn't ACTUALLY "go time" not just yet. I would LIKE it to be go time. But It's not. Give me another week (ideally not two, but you never know) and hopefully there will be a baby. BUT even then it could be another 4 weeks (which it wont be if I have ANYTHING at all to say about it.) So anyway, I'm term, or better yet baby is term. And what has been going on?

Well let me tell you:

1) the hospital bags are packed and at the front door. 1 for me and 1 for Eric and baby to share - we've packed a few things for Eric "just in case" he needs to meet me at the hospital from work instead of having the chance to go home and change, more importantly shower, first.

2) Nursery is all set up. I maintain it's not decorated, BUT all of the wonderful clothing I received from the lovely ladies at the Birthing Unit as well as the wonderful clothing from the guys and gals who made it to my surprise baby shower (thanks again mom and Jill) have been washed with Ivory Snow, and are not folded and put away according to size. Also the organic mattress pad and organic muslin sheet that I received have been washed and on the crib (which I know, I know wont be in use for awhile yet) Besides decorating and removing the plastic from the handles of the dresser and bookshelf the nursery is more or less ready to go. Okay, okay, I need to wash the windows, but I'm not going to lie, my mom has offered to do them so I'm going to wait and do windows with my mom when she comes!

3) Bottles, nipples, breast pump pieces and soothers have all been sterilized. Actually they're just drying right now and then they will be returned to their home. I'm not sure when I signed up for these things but I have 3 different kinds of formula - I don't plan on using formula. I plan to breastfeed and pump; however, somehow I have all of this formula. Maybe I'll feed it to Eric and try to fatten him up a little bit.

4) Car seat is in the car. It fits, but when we have baby number 2 we're going to need to buy a slightly bigger vehicle as it requires the front seat to be a little bit more forward than I like.

5) House relatively clean. I sometimes think Eric is working against me in cleaning the house. On that note I KNOW it's not his fault. He's not doing it on purpose. It confuses me a little what happened with him. He was sooooooo good at cleaning when we first got married. Actually he was better than any of the girls that lived in the house (and there were 4 of us at the time) and maybe it was cleaning up after all of us that made him decide he refused to clean, but ever since I've started doing shift work it has become my responsibility to clean the house on my days off. I refuse to clean the kitchen by myself though. When I was first pregnant I couldn't even go into the kitchen without being overwhelmed with nausea. I would gag and vomit and augh. So although it is "Eric's room to clean" It tends to only be cleaned when I am there gently reminding Eric it needs to be cleaned. Augh, I hate kitchens. Anyway, I'm lucky enough again to have a wonderful mother who has offered to help get the house better than "relatively" clean when she visits. I just had to agree to not using any "green products" to clean the home as she thinks they're crap... I'm not going to lie, I gave in in exchange for help cleaning my home.

6) EI applied for... sort of. I'm really fortunate in that I get a "top up" from my employer for the first 6 months of my maternity leave. It's not to 100% but it is still nice to be getting more than the 55% that EI pays out (which I'm also not complaining about - I'm getting paid 55% to be working 0% - okay deal.) So anyway, I thought it was smooth sailing until I was asked to provide my ROE from Magpie Jewellery. Do you think I have ANY clue where that is right now? No of course not. So I'm on the search. I may need to send a letter to Bathurst to get it, but this is all delaying me getting paid. I'm not super heart broken about the delay, I just want it all dealt with before baby is here so I don't need to deal with it then!

7) Too Much Information ALERT. TMI ALERT. (I'm giving everyone a head's up just in case you don't want to read woman body stuff - just skip #7 then). My cervix is very slightly opened. SLIGHTLY. Which is GREAT. It's better than being closed which is more common for a first time mom such as myself. AND baby's head is nice and low! SOOoooOOOoo what does this mean? Well really nothing unless I start having some regular contractions. I've been having some unpleasant Braxton Hicks but until I have some regular contractions, I don't think much is going to happen. BUT it is better than being closed at this stage in the game!!

So more or less I'm now just waiting for baby. Like I said before, I'm hoping sometime in the next week, but I know the odds of a first time mom going early. They're not super realistic. BUT here's to positive thinking and having a bunch of people crossing their fingers or praying for me (whichever they think is more valid.) SOOOoooOOo, if you're not too busy if you could just send some positive thoughts/energy out into the universe for me that I have this baby sooner rather than later I'd really appreciate it!

Father's Day (was yesterday) (36 weeks and 4 days)

Hello all!

So I just wanted to send out a message saying we did end up buying the Weber Genesis BBQ. It was a bit of a splurge, but we decided we could justify it after we saved the money we did on the baby furniture.
So there it is set up in our kitchen. Why is it set up in our kitchen? Well as much as I thought it was a safe place for it... (just kidding) we set it up inside, because our day went a little bit like this....

First thing in the morning we drove across the border (that would be the french border) and went and picked up a filing cabinet I found on UsedOttawa. I love Kijiji/Used Ottawa. Those sites. It was about 40 minutes away and out in cottage country. It was beautiful. My allergies went crazy. I have to admit that is my biggest complaint about being pregnant is that there is NOTHING I can do about my allergies. Luckily they haven't been TERRIBLE this year. But they do still suck.

Second we came back to the house and moved the heavy filing cabinet into the basement.

Then we called Home Depot to see if they had any of the BBQs we were interested in left... THey had 1 and couldn't hold it for us because they were doing 20% off yesterday. So we booked it down to HD (unfortunately it wasn't the one that is less than 2km away, it was one on the otherside of the city). So as we're walking into HD we see a very happy looking brown man walk out with a Weber Genesis, e-320 BBQ. My heart sank. Eric swears it was natural gas, but I KNOW it was Liquid Propane (which is what we needed) ANYWAY. We checked out their BBQ selection anyway, and lo behold they did still have 1 more left. So I guarded it while Eric went a looked for a sales associate to help get it down for us. While he was gone I stood their rubbing my belly giving people angry-hungry looks as they tried to come down the aisle towards MY (Eric's) BBQ. Anyway, to say the least most didn't come near me. So we got our BBQ brought it home with us. The box was super big and awkward and because I'm useless in the carrying department these days we decided to just put it in the driveway open the box and then move the pieces to the back. It worked out very well and everything was on the deck in no time. So we started away on building it (Eric started away on building it while I entertained the dogs). Anyway, first 4 screws are in and it just starts DOWNPOURING. I was starting to take this as a sign that maybe we shouldn't have bought the BBQ.. but there was the one left for us which then is sort of a sign that it was meant to be. ANyway, we moved everything into the kitchen and built the BBQ in the kitchen. Which is why Eric's BBQ is sitting in my kitchen in the picture. We then had Thai food for dinner. Yes yes, we should have used the BBQ but we will tonight - Salmon Steaks. YUMMY...

Anyway, that is all for now. Baby is still doing really well. I was starting to think he/she was going to be Eric's Father's Day gift because I seemed to have started contracting up a storm. Oh the joys or Braxton Hicks. 3 more days and then I'm term. So anywhere from 3 days to 4 weeks and 3 days... So we'll see. My mom was late with us, so I'm not holding my breath...

Take care blogging world! Hope all is well.
Beth

Change of Plans (36 weeks + 2 daus)

Hello Blogworld.

So today was Eric and my big "date day" where the plan had been to go to Montreal to see Cirque du Soleil, Totem and eat Thai food. Well we stayed in Ottawa instead. We decided last night we weren't going to go (and it's good we hadn't bought tickets already - we wanted to do it last minute you know "just in case") and it worked out well because I woke up not feeling so hot. So after spending a good chunk of the morning/early afternoon in bed we finally started a BBQ hunt and came up empty handed... BUT we do know what is out there. See I really want a BBQ because I assume we'll have a decent amount of company stopping in throughout the summer - so I would like to be able to say "Hey Dad - Can you take care of BBQing up dinner tonight" and not being responsible for dinner every now and again. Anyway, I want a Weber Genesis and Eric and I think it may be a little more than what we should spend on a BBQ and unfortunately when my mind is set on something nothing else will do. So it's either the Weber, or nothing at all.. so we're not getting anything (yet.)

So what else did we do? While Eric took some pictures of our new nursery:





(The packaging is still left on the handles on the dresser and bookshelf because I'm a little crazy and would like to try to keep it nice for as long as possible.)

(Mom got "Baby Bronson-Moisey" this ornament 2 Christmases ago and I absolutely adore it. It's from the Nursery Rhyme "Winken, Blinken and Nod" Anyway, for the longest time I wanted to do a Nursery Rhyme themed room, but changed my mind once I realized a lot of the baby bedding/fabric for it is pretty terrible.)

I told him the floor needed to be swept before the pictures were done, but he was already laying on the floor and decided to take the pictures. You can't really see in the corner to the right of the window, but there is a comfortable Ikea chair in that corner. It isn't a glider (we have the glider in the spare room) but it just looks SOO good in the room with the dark finish. As you can see the only picture hanging in the room right now is the picture of the bird which my mom painted eons and eons ago. Anyway, I'm going to move that photo into the spare bedroom and I plan to only hang photography in the room. Probably black and white with a specific colour accent. I was really hoping to hold off until we found out the baby's gender but I may go ahead and buy some fabric and sew up the baby's bedding. I'm still torn between doing black and white with one colour "accented" OR using the fabulous fabric I brought back from India and just having very colourful baby bedding - which could definitely be gender neutral. I'm torn. Regardless, besides the furniture clearly this room isn't super matchy matchy (and I still need a rug!) We'll take some new pictures once it's completely finished being set up. There are still boxes and a car seat in the pictures.. And the floor will be swept next time!

So tomorrow Eric and I plan to go to the beach for the a portion of the day and eat thai food and if the house is cool enough do some cooking and baking. I have a nice list of things I would like to bake/cook and store for when the baby is here but the temperature is just way to hot to have the oven on for hours... Hopefully it cools off just a little bit.

Anyway, I think that's everything for now. I hope all is well with everyone and take care!!
Thanks for reading!

(And just for good measure a picture of my babies who haven't suspected a thing yet...)




(just kidding about Eric... I hope.. he does ask every now and again if I'm "SURE" that I'm having a baby. Generally before big purchases like the furniture.)

Long overdue... (36 weeks)

Wow..

It's been a month since I've posted last! I only have 1 month to go until my due date... although on that note I am doing everything in my power to go just a little bit early. And by a little bit I mean June 30th. We'll see how that goes..

Quick life updates:

1) We got a new dog. His name is Baxter. He's really cute. And him and Pabloe get a long pretty well. They were playing to day. It was sweet.

2) I've locked myself out of the house on a couple of occasions now. (Yes twice and yes I used the ladder to climb back in) I don't find it very reassuring that a pregnant person can break into Eric and my house; however as Eric says if they want to break in it doesn't matter if there is a ladder in the backyard or not they'll get it. If you're on facebook read my note "Morning" and you can get filled in on the details of my breaking back into my house.

3) I finally have 2 of 3 pieces of nursery furniture in the nursery. And we got a GREAT deal on them. That's a long story involving me bringing a sales associate to tears (not actually, but I wasn't very pleasant.) So now I'm still torn between waiting the next couple-several weeks to find out the sex and then just purchase bedding/decorations OR I'm thinking a black/white theme or using the fabric I brought back from India and making it super colourful. I just don't know!

4) I had an AWESOME surprise baby shower thrown by my mom and sister Jill. The only things that could have made it better would have been if Kari could have made it (the youngest sister) oh and if I was a little more cooperative with Eric and let it actually be a surprise. I also had a SPECTACULAR baby shower thrown by the lovely ladies that I work with and between the two showers I fared really well! I have everything I will need and baby will need to survive the first month of life... I think... I hope.

5) Eric and I finally have a list of boy names and a list of girl names. Thank goodness. I was getting a little bit worried that this child would come home with us as "Baby B" or "Baby G". Crisis avoided.

6) I'm on mat leave! As of last Saturday I started my mat leave and I'm so happy I did because today I started contracting. Not regularly or long. Really they'd probably be considered "Braxton Hicks" BUT just in case this baby does come early I was able to get some cleaning done first. Thank goodness.

I think that is pretty much everything as of right now... Eric and I have an exciting date planned for Saturday. Probably our last real big date before the baby comes. I'm sure we'll do dinner and a movie BUT on Saturday we're going to Montreal and seeing Cirque du Soleil "Totem" and then doing dinner (and maybe if we get there early enough we'll do some shopping! YAY).

Anyway I'll try to blog more often in the next couple of weeks and get some photos of nursery up! And maybe of Totem!

Take care and thanks for reading!

Belly Pictures (or lack thereof... 31 weeks +4 days)

Hey..

So I just wanted to send a little message out there that Eric and I keep discussing doing belly pictures, and then we don't. Then when we're goofing around and do take photos I really don't like them (my hair is messy, I'm in my pjs, etc). This is why the blogosphere hasn't seen any belly pictures since 6months. They exist (sort of..) but not many of them I want to share with the internet. Because it has been sOOOooooOOoo long I will post a couple today... so here you go. I'm getting HUGE!

This picture was taken in the bathroom (obviously.. hence the toilet in the background). I have a very irritated look on my face because I kept getting the angle wrong to have my belly in the picture. It was mostly just face and ceiling. So here is one that turned out okay...


Eric eating baby? We were goofing around with the camera because Eric was kissing where baby would kick (which was all over) and I wanted a picture of it. But the pictures kept turning out... well not quite right. So we started being goofy instead. You can see my crooked linea nigra in this picture (that slightly darker than my very white skin leading up to my belly button - my linea nigra is really faint, but I still have 2 months so it may get darker!) It's funny because on the other side of my belly button it's nice and straight. Go figure.

I LOVE this one. It makes me want to get professional pictures done just so we can get Eric, me and the belly in the picture all at once and have our faces too... But they are so expensive! We'll see what happens as I have time off and keep getting bigger.


And of course a picture with my crazy puppy. Who I ABSOLUTELY adore. I hope he isn't too jealous when he's not the baby anymore!

Eric and I are going to the beach this weekend so maybe (if I still fit into any of my bathing suits) there will be some more photos. Ideally after I have a little bit of sun though, as I could blind someone with this skin.

Anyway as for pregnancy update. Things have been moving along super smoothly. Everything has been AMAZING. (Hopefully it will stay that way right until the end!) I have 11 shifts left at work! YAY! I have a doctor's appointment Wednesday. I was supposed to go last week but I forgot (oops) so I took a quick listen to baby at work and the heart rate was beautiful. Baby is still not giving away his or her sex. The baby's baseline was 140.. and they say if the heart rate is above 140 it's a girl and below it's a boy. Although all joking aside after working Labour and Delivery it really turns out ALL of those little old wives tales are myths. Nothing determines a baby's sex definitely besides an amnio or a cvs because even ultrasounds can be wrong (on that note they are pretty accurate - like 95% accurate).

Anyway I have some cleaning to do before I lay down to sleep before work!
Take care blogging world!

Birth Plan.

Hello Blogworld!

As a Labour and Delivery nurse I see A LOT of birth plans/preferences from patients. Some are very realistic, some not so much. We tend to say that an unrealistic birth plan is a ticket to the OR (which has proven true a lot of the time.) Regardless I've decided to write my "Birth Plan" however, it's more to be funny, not serious. Just give people something to laugh about. Specifically nurses something to find funny.

Draft 1: Beth Bronson's Birth Preferences;

Please have ALL NURSES on during my delivery read this.

Written especially with the lucky (unfortunate) nurse who ends up having me for my delivery in mind. Please keep my best interest in mind... However, I've clearly outlined most situations that may arise and my ideal situation for them. Also the things that are most important to me are highlighted.

Admittance to Birthing Unit:
Please do not admit me to the Birthing Unit before 4 centimeters. If I seem to be coping "well" and am 4 centimeters tell me I'm 2 centimeters and send me walking. If my water is broken and I'm GBS positive put a saline lock in and send me walking. Please find the most incapable nurse from 8 east to attempt to insert the IV (Reasoning: I deserve it after the IVs I've inserted.) My first choice of rooms are: Room 4 and Room 5. After that, just not Room 6 or Room 7 please.

Birth companion:
The only birth companion I want present for the labour and at the delivery is Eric Moisey. However, on that note there will be A LOT of times during the labour I will probably NOT want him present (due to how highly irritable I will probably be). Please let him sit at the desk, as it could be a matter of minutes that I want him to be present again (and may inflict some serious bodily harm on him if he's not back in the room quickly). Or place a chair in behind the curtain so at least I can't see him and he's not far. If he's in the way, send him for coffee for the nurses.

Positions for labour:
Just don't let me lay in bed whining. If I am move me to gross, dirty, amniotic-y hospital floor. Remind me that it is gross, dirty and amniotic-y so I don't stay on the floor.

Pain relief:
It could have something to do with me working in Labour and Delivery but I know my options for pain relief so don't explain them to me. I'll ask for it when I want it. I'm stubborn. If you tell me I need medication I'll probably tell you to screw off. Don't take it personally. If/When I do start screaming for an epidural please give me some Nitrous. I don't want to be a screamer. On that note, if I start screaming for anything give me Nitrous (the mask will muffle the screaming and make the whole thing more bearable for everyone)

Monitoring your baby's heart rate
I get when I need to be monitored continuously. Don't let me see the screen. I don't need that stress. Also please keep track of anytime I decide to be a pain in the ass with flipping from side to side or any whining I do. Following the delivery, when my breasts are engorged, I want the nurse I was difficult with to punch me in the boobs for each time I didn't cooperate. Trust me, I'll understand (and deserve it). it'll be teaching for baby number 2.

Assisted delivery
-If by some crazy chance I'm still NCB at the time of delivery, and I require a vacuum, please give me something to bite. Ideally Eric's arm; however, I would be okay with cloth of some sort. Also reassure Eric that any profanities I swear at him during this time I don't really mean.
-If I am still NCB at the time of delivery and require forceps please please please get me a pudental block, or at least some lidocaine (1% and lots of it). I would also like versed at this time. If versed isn't available check my bags for a flask of Everclear, I tend not to leave home without it. Also make sure Eric is watching the whole process. I'd like him to understand what was required to have his baby. While also discussing forceps I would like to emphasize one of my favourite aspects of my body is that my anus and vagina are 2 separate entities. Please keep this in mind while advocating on behalf of me. I don't want a vaginal c-section. I like that I don't suffer from incontinence and am able to sit.
-Finally C-sections: prior to the c-section (if possible) I would like a scalp pH done. None of this "well you've been 6 centimeters for 6 hours" business. Scalp pH or no consent (except in emergency c-sections)
- Non urgent c-section: Room C please. I would like Eric geared up in hospital blues and placed with his back against the wall and a good view of what is happening. Thus there is no need to explain to him later that week why I don't feel like vacuuming or cooking.
- Emergency c-section: do what you need to do. Please try to make sure that my abdomen gets put together as normally as possible.
Also I do NOT want the nurses sitting at the desk saying "oh she's going to the back for sure, she's definitely going to the back." Anyone I catch saying that will get kicked in the twat - HARD.

Delivery position
I don't care. Just however the baby is going to come out.

Third stage (delivery of the placenta)
Give me the pit.

Feeding the baby
I plan to breastfeed. What is it called when you place the baby on your stomach and make them wiggle up and find the breast? Yeah, well I don't want that.

Additional Notes:
Nurses: You know if I want you there and thus you also know who I don't. Have my back.

Doctors: same as above.

Residents: Mostly the same as above; however, since my due date is after July 1st (new resident day) there will be new residents wondering the halls. I wont flat out refuse them; however, I will ask 3 skill testing questions prior to letting them be involved in my care and delivery. Most questions will be OB related. I expect none of them to succeed.

Med Students: 3 skill testing questions as well, however my tolerance to their presence will be less than that of new residents. They may as well know that right from the beginning. They also may be where I direct my anger. They are probably better off not present.

Visitors: we don't plan to tell anyone when we leave for the hospital for the birth, on that note, if for some crazy reason someone calls and asks about Eric, myself or the baby while at the hospital please tell them none of us made it through the delivery and that you're sorry for their loss. If they call you on the lie tell them to mind their own damn business. People know better than to "check in" on us. We'll call them when there is anything worth knowing.

Entering and Exiting the room: I appreciate that A LOT of people will probably see my vajayjay during this process, I get it. On that note. I don't want ANYONE wandering in during the pushing stage "just to see how I'm doing". It's my first baby, I get that it can take 3 hours. I'm sorry for the sucker who gets stuck pushing with me, but if you leave to go on break while I'm pushing, I'm stopping and waiting for you to come back. Anyone who enters the room "just to see how I'm doing" or to 'see how much head you can see" will be pants in public at a later date. I will go for underwear as well and ideally it will be in front of A LOT of people. Consider yourselves warned.